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    17 September

    初夏

         记得那个午后收拾了厚厚的被子,一件一件冬天的衣服,兴高采烈的等待着夏天。如今再翻出,仿佛还是昨天。看着嫩芽在树枝上一点点变绿,可是现在,也许再过一个月它们就都要掉落下来了。如果这个笑脸能早点出现,哪怕不代表任何意义,我又何必去经历那三周的堕落与疯狂。像是起点又是终点,在那些彪悍的眼泪中我如此迷茫,在一个个短信和电话后面,有人是否看到那双等待的眼睛。
         如果当初会知道今天的结果,是否还会穿上那双掉了跟垫的高跟鞋踏上那条不该我走的道路,是否还会那样的放纵自己?是吧,只是为了最初的能穿上前天刚买回来的新衣服,或者是迫不及待的享受冬天以来的第一个23度,或者期待真的能养上一只渴望已久的小狗,或者只是糊涂的要迷恋自认为感动要流泪的几个瞬间,那些选择,都只是一个出口。
         有时候想起那时的我会觉得心痛,不是因为那些伤心的过去,而仅仅是那时的自己,回想起来仿佛那个人不是我,而我,只是在旁观而已。用了一年去品尝哀悼过去的种种,用了一个夏天去追寻体会,原来,都是一些没有意义的事情。遇到你,是老天对我的怜缅还是对你的惩罚,我不得不承认,你是我遇到过对我最好的人,我给你的却是别人给我的痛苦,只因为我不愿意把它们扔掉。觉得累是因为愧疚和负担,当一切都梦想成真之后,我却不再相信永恒,那么,那些所做的努力和即将要去做的努力,是徒劳,是自寻烦恼还是一种伤害?
        晚安,宝贝,有些爱不应该说的太早,因为那不是真的。

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